I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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