So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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