Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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