we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Watching her eat just hurts me
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
