i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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