Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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