I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
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My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
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I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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