some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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