I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
