worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
