when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
