Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
