Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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