and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
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hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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