Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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