Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
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We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
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The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
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