We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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