Need sex. Gaining weight.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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