Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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