I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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