I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She's JV to your varsity
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
