When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
