I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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