I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Randomize
