I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
