We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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