i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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