OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
