PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
