So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
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my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
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I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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