a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
only if we run a train.
done.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
