he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
