Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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