Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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