Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
