theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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