I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
