would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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