so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
