I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
