i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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