Umm I'm too high to move.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
