I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She needs sedatives and a leash
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
