My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
