my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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