OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
