; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
