It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
