'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
