the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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