i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
