Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
