Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Less talking, more tequila
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
