u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
