I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
