Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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