sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
White coat. Heels.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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