you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize