you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
