Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
