She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
