I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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