im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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