i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
