Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize